The Married And Naked Podcast - Marriage Secrets Revealed
Hosts Tammy and Joel Greene bare it all for the sake of marriage. Sharing all the tips and tricks that have helped them maintain a (mostly) happy marriage of over 26 years.
This is more than a discussion about their marriage. This is a guide to help every couple reach their "happy ever after."
Let's get naked! For more marriage tips, advice or to ask us a question, go to https://married-and-naked.com
The Married And Naked Podcast - Marriage Secrets Revealed
Marriage And Mental Health - Episode 64
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Sometimes, stepping back is necessary for growth. In this episode of the Married and Naked Podcast, we open up about the challenges that led to a much-needed break from social media and a nerve-wracking step into therapy.
From navigating personal struggles with aging parents to strengthening our marriage, we share insights on balance, boundaries, and resilience.
Tune in for an honest conversation about life’s unexpected turns and the power of self-care.
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Welcome to the Married and Naked Podcast. I'm Tammy, founder of the blog Married and Naked, certified sexuality coach and speaker.
Speaker 2:And I'm Joel, tv host, motivational speaker and the guinea pig to the lessons you're about to learn.
Speaker 1:We're high school sweethearts, married over two decades, and we're on a mission to help you create the marriage you desire and deserve. Let's get naked. Welcome to the Married and Naked podcast. Hi everybody, how are you, sweetie?
Speaker 2:I am good. I like that intro. That was fun, that was upbeat and I'm so excited and glad to be back in the studio. Did you have?
Speaker 1:coffee.
Speaker 2:I did.
Speaker 1:Ah, that's what's happening. Okay, this is like take number four oh my and tell them why it's.
Speaker 2:Take number four because you keep saying weird things. I'm not saying weird things, I'm just so excited to be back in front of a microphone and I just want to keep talking and you keep saying no, no, your energy is off the charts.
Speaker 1:I should have known. Duh, you went to starbucks today I did I did, because we haven't been here in a while. We thought we'd do a little update on what's going on in our lives. First and foremost, we're here, which obviously means the podcast is still something that we care about and want to continue to do. It's just sometimes life hits us in certain ways where we have to take inventory of our life and what's going on, and sometimes certain things have to take a backseat so that we can survive.
Speaker 2:A hundred percent. You know, I have to say, like, you have some, you have some super fans. I say you, we, we have some super fans out there, people who are sending you emails saying, hey, when's the next podcast coming out? Where have you guys been? Is everything okay? Which is thank you guys. So much for that. You know who you are, thank you. But not only did we take a break from the podcast, but you also took a break from social media for a couple months and you have super fans there saying the exact same thing, like, hey, you haven't put out any posts lately, is everything okay? So thank you for that support. We as a couple are okay. We've just been going through a lot of life lately and I like how you put that. We had to take an inventory of the most important stuff and then have to deal with the what was directly in front of us.
Speaker 1:Yeah, for me, this was probably I don't know four months ago or something like that. I feel like I hit a major wall of like overwhelm and extreme stress and feeling unable to cope with everything going on in our lives. So you and I run several businesses and sometimes we have to look at the things that, like, financially, can take a backseat and give our focus to the things that can't like I was kind of losing my mind and I just had to let it go, so I've taken literally a I don't know exactly the timeline, but I'm thinking about a four month hiatus from social media, and I'm talking. I have not been on the app at all.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's kind of weird because we trade, you know, social media posts a lot back and forth Like, hey, have you seen this, have you seen that? And um, I've sent you so many over the last few months and you're like, yeah, I haven't, I haven't looked at any of them. And then I finally caught on oh, you're not only taking a break from your own social media, you're taking a break from social media.
Speaker 1:Yeah, a break from your own social media. You're taking a break from social media. Yeah, I just needed to take a break from the entire app because being in there would make me feel like, oh, I should be posting, I should be serving. I feel bad that I'm not there with the followers or I haven't posted new content. I just needed to step back from it altogether. So today literally has been the first day I've been back in and I went. I went and looked at messages and saw several people had commented when are you? I miss you. I was worried about you. Is everything okay? And then I had a bajillion like videos from my sister that I needed to look through, which was a super fun way to get back into it because she had sent me such fun reels to look at. I feel a little bit nervous actually stepping back into it, because it has been so long and it's nice to take a break. It was actually really nice.
Speaker 2:You know. I'm wondering how many other people have done that. I know before you decided to take that break, you had found inspiration in a lady's post that I guess did the same thing.
Speaker 1:Right. Yes, that's right, I forgot you, yes.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and you were sharing, like I remember you came to me because you're like hey, I really need a break. I really like it was desperation for you and what do you think? And I'm like, oh, I don't know because, I don't know Because me taking a break affected you.
Speaker 1:We each have an Instagram page affected you. We each have an Instagram page, so I run your page also. So me taking a step back affected you as well. So it was a decision we had to make together that you had to support my need to step back, and you did, and I was really, really appreciative of that. But for me it came down to like taking care of my mental health. I just did not feel healthy mentally. I really needed a break from everything.
Speaker 2:Yeah and grateful that you did because it was so important for you to do that. And then it became very apparent like, wow, it was so important for us that you did that too.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, personally speaking, forget the business, just personally speaking, it's good to see you again. Yeah, it's good to see you again. Yeah, it's good to see you again.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I had a little bit of energy towards it today and I saw people in there that I hadn't seen in a while. That messaged me and I was like, oh, it's so nice to see you again and it is nice to feel a connection with people, but I didn't miss being in the app all the time no-transcript.
Speaker 2:You just shared about you having to step out for your own mental health and I'm going to share that. I started seeing a therapist for the first time since I was a teenager for my mental health because of all that we've been going through with my parents.
Speaker 1:Do you want to elaborate on that?
Speaker 2:Yeah, so gosh, it's so hard to talk about. It really is when I'm sitting down talking about it. You know I'm sitting down talking about it. My parents both need support, both physically and mentally. My mom is disabled. She had a stroke in 2019. And prior to the stroke, she had a hip replacement. In fact, it's not fair to say she had a hip replacement. She's had over 33 surgeries on her joints and so she's had multiple hips, both hips replaced, both knees replaced in just a boatload of other surgery. And the older you get with all of those surgeries and ailments, it becomes very hard to function like she did when she was younger.
Speaker 1:Well, especially after a stroke, she lost much of her strength in her right side, so she has very difficult time getting dressed, getting up out of chairs. She can't get up off the floor by herself, things like that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I only referenced the hip surgery because she actually had it less than 12 months before she had her stroke and so she never fully recovered from the hip surgery and it just made it to where she now walks with a walker. And unfortunately, while that's been going on, my dad, my stepdad, has been who. They've been married for 40 years, I think this year or next year. It's been in my life since I was 10. My dad, his memory, has been declining for several years.
Speaker 1:We noticed it when she had the stroke. That's when we started to pay attention that something was off.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and not everybody could recognize it because he is the happiest-go-lucky person in the world, and so he would play off forgetting stuff by oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I remember that, I remember that. Oh, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:He's good at covering up things that he had forgotten, yeah.
Speaker 2:He really is, is an expert at that, and was I'm sorry, was an expert at that and you know, few people outside of the inner circle of his kids and his family could actually see it. And as time has gone on it's become more and more and more evident to where now it is, unfortunately full-blown, severe dementia, alzheimer's. They are so young. Both my parents are 71 and a half years of age. It's heartbreaking to see that my mom can't rely on my dad and my dad can't rely on my mom to do everyday functions. First of all, we had caregivers with them for several years now and then that up. You know, time gets up higher and higher to where they're 24 hour care.
Speaker 1:Cause your dad has progressed severely this year in particular.
Speaker 2:Yeah, Just just progressively gotten I hate to use the term worse and worse, but really it's worse and worse and to where we finally decided that, wow, they need help beyond one caregiver in the house because their needs were separate. It finally became clear when the agency that was assisting them with the caregiving basically reached out to us at the end of the summer saying that you know, we're not sure that the caregivers can provide in their home and they recommended seeking-.
Speaker 1:Assisted living, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:And so we made the decision-.
Speaker 1:With your mom's blessing. Oh yeah, she was excited at the opportunity.
Speaker 2:It wasn't really us making the decision. It was like, oh, my goodness, everything is coming in around us and then sharing with mom like, hey, there might be an opportunity for you to get the community. You need, the support you need 24 hours, a lot of help and also support for dad, and so last October we moved him into assisted living. And with transitions like that, if you've ever gone through that or if you're going through that, first of all, our heart just completely goes out to you, because we know how all-encompassing this is for everyone, not just Tammy and I, but our kids, my siblings, their kids.
Speaker 1:It's all-encompassing because primarily we were in charge of their care. We were handling the caregivers. Handling financial things really have taken over managing their lives for them. So for us it was all-encompassing, for sure, and our children for sure. You know siblings weren't able to help due to location. That's been what we've been doing for years, and then having to move them, which was heartbreaking and also relief at the same time. You know we cried but also like, okay, they're going to be safe now. That's really good. And it's just been this really weird rollercoaster of emotions and things are popping up all the time that still need help and you seem to even have a hard time saying the word Alzheimer's.
Speaker 2:I do. I'm given a big story to basically say that I needed some additional support while this was going on.
Speaker 1:Why did you decide to see a therapist?
Speaker 2:Well, it was a combination of, really, my son that kind of pushed me over the edge. I just lost my cool one time, not at him, not at anyone, I just lost it one day and my son said to me by the way, he's just turned 17. He just said hey, dad, I really think maybe you should get some help. I mean, I was at my end and then I started seeing a therapist a few months ago and it was one of the greatest decisions I ever made. It really was. I started learning tools and tricks to how to deal with everything that was coming my way.
Speaker 1:Like your stress levels.
Speaker 2:Stress level and what I was going to allow to bother me, you know.
Speaker 1:Like boundaries.
Speaker 2:Yeah, thank you. I started learning about boundaries and why I had to start having some. So, yeah, it was such a great decision and that was weird because it coincided exactly the same time where you were. Hey, I need to take a break off of social media. I know we're sharing a lot with you. I guess this is kind of a where have we been, what's been going on and, at the same time, how we're dealing with everything.
Speaker 1:Well, the truth is, we haven't necessarily dealt with everything.
Speaker 2:We're still dealing with it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's. We're definitely in the middle of it. I'm hoping things calm down a little bit now that parents are in a place that they like, they have care, they're safe, they've got a button that they can push if they have any kind of emergencies and nurses are in there right away. It's a beautiful place. We're happy with it. They love the food, you know, like lots of activities, community. So it was a really hard decision for all of us, including your mom, but I think for everybody it's been the right decision, and your mom was just telling a new potential resident yesterday she loves the place and she highly recommends he come and stay there too. So I think it's been a good decision. But there's still so much that goes on with aging parents and their care and getting calls that people have fallen and making doctor's appointments, and it's just a very surprising turn of events in our life.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And I think you don't. Well, first of all, you don't imagine anybody in your life is going to have Alzheimer's. It's just the most horrible disease. Not so much for your dad, because he doesn't seem to realize what's happening anymore. He's luckily a happy. Like you said, he's a happy guy. He likes to laugh and we could tell them jokes. And then you know, a few minutes later you could tell him the same joke and he just cracks up and but he's a great audience for jokes right now.
Speaker 1:Yeah but for the family it's devastating and I know many of you out there are dealing with family members with dementia and it's just a horrible thing to have to witness someone you love.
Speaker 2:No matter the age. Like you said, it is horrible to be on this side of it.
Speaker 1:To witness somebody that you love disappear before your eyes. To know he's looking at especially me. He still knows your name but I know he looks at me and doesn't know who I am. He knows I'm a friendly face that he sees a lot.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's wild.
Speaker 2:It is wild. So when Tammy said in the beginning or at the top that you know we had to take an inventory and decide on what's we had to deal with our life and this unfortunately or fortunately, I don't know how we decide that part, this has been our life.
Speaker 1:Certainly this past year and this month has been real rough. So it is weird to start a year where normally you feel like, oh okay, this is a fresh start, and you know that's how you always kind of feel about a new year. But really life doesn't suddenly stop and you get a clean slate on January 1st. You're in it. Well, you just kind of continue to be in it.
Speaker 2:You know, I am curious for the listeners how have we as a couple fared? I mean, I'm asking you.
Speaker 1:You have the answer too, hey Tim how have you fared as a spouse?
Speaker 1:I think. Overall, I think we've fared pretty well, and the only reason that is is because we've laid such a foundation of work, of learning how to support each other, learning how to hear each other, trying not to both be losing our minds at the same time, which still happens, but that's when it really gets bad is when you and I are like both in the dumps on the same time. It's terrible. Our ideal is that I can be functioning at a decent level and support you when you're in the dumps, and vice versa, and that's when we do our best. I mean, I'm not going to lie, it's been extremely challenging, but not so much on our marriage, thank goodness. But had this happened, like years ago, when we were really struggling, I don't know that we would have survived. This is so hard.
Speaker 2:You know it's an interesting observation you said about. You know, which we both know like when we're both in it, it's hard to lean on each other when we're both Well you can't, we can't.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And when that decision for me to like?
Speaker 2:okay, I really do need help is because not only did I have a hard time leaning on you, because you were in it with me and you were going through all the stuff too. I don't know that I was anything for you, like it was, so I was, so I mean, you know, I was lost and I couldn't offer you anything either. I'm a pretty positive guy, I'm a really positive guy, and I literally was feeling like I could not see any light and that was scaring me to death. And, believe me, I know there's people out there going through things that are much more monumental than me just being a son to my parents. But it was really hard for me.
Speaker 2:Who sees the positive in everything? My kids are constantly saying hey, dad, you don't have to make sunshine out of this or lemonade out of this, you know, cause that's the kind of person I am, and I was really, really, really struggling with that. Where's the light? And then I felt horrible for you, like I can't offer you any light, but I need your light, and your light was gone Dim too.
Speaker 1:So and on top of that, having a third party, I think is so valuable. Having somebody who's not in the crap with you and can see from a distance and kind of a macro view is so valuable. It just it gave you so many tools that I couldn't necessarily give you, because I'm in the muck with you Even though I'm doing my best, I can't do it like they can, because they can see it in a way where they're not emotional about it. Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:And, by the way, I'm still seeing the therapist.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's wonderful.
Speaker 2:I'm literally like will I ever stop? I'm asking that question because it's not only done wonderful, as I said, for tools and tricks and boundaries, but it's also it's just done wonderful for me. Like I do have that sense of something pops up. You know what? I'm going to talk to my therapist on. It's been kind of nice and I'm working on old crap too in my life that have been anchors in my life. It's been really really good for me.
Speaker 1:I think one of the great things about you and I've known this through our marriage is you're yours. You've always been somebody who wants to work on being the best version of themselves that they can be. So you treat therapy is like, okay, we got to knock this out. Like, how are we taking care of this? Like right now, okay, I'm coming in with this problem. I expect, by the end of this, we done with this, right, we're moving on to the next thing, but which truly is a little unrealistic.
Speaker 2:but well, you want to say that, but I've been able to take care of some major things that were childhood things that I didn't even.
Speaker 1:It is remarkable. You have had some remarkable um progress with your therapist and I'm just very proud of you. I really thought you would never be somebody who would do it just because of the money alone. You never wanted to spend money.
Speaker 2:Well, and, by the way, that's one of the things.
Speaker 1:I've worked on. It's so funny.
Speaker 2:Cause, she knows, I have a game plan, so I'm coming out. Okay, I'm going to work on this over the next couple of weeks. I'm going to work on this over the next couple of weeks, I'm going to work on it. So I want to like oh, I get the most bang for your buck. Well, yeah, and I can solve these things that have been weighing me down forever. Once I saw the first one come to fruition, it was like, oh, my goodness.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's amazing babe.
Speaker 2:So, anyways, all that to say that we're still in it, I've got support, you've had a break and you've created boundaries for yourself as well.
Speaker 1:I'm working on taking care of myself, because I don't do that very good because I am so focused on everybody else. But that is my nature is to just worry about everything around me and then feel like doing things for me or taking time away from work or whatever. I mean there's so much guilt mom guilt, wife guilt, work, guilt you know just all this guilt I'm trying to work on and I'm I'm nowhere near having figured this out how to set boundaries for myself so that I can have a day or two, or know how to say this is my time and I deserve to focus on me and let everybody else's problems go just for a little bit so I could take care of myself. So we're both working on it.
Speaker 2:It's so great that you have been doing that.
Speaker 1:Well, I'm proud of you, I'm proud of us. We're still here. We're still here, we're still standing. We've been support for your family. We're supporting each other through it. We're going to get through it. For everybody out there who is struggling with aging parents and possibly dementia or all the list of things that go on or could go on when you have aging parents, our heart goes out to you. Yeah, um, we know exactly what you're going through and hang in there and we'll keep updating you just to let you know what's going on here. And feel free to do the same. Share your stories with us. You can email us at married in the letter, in naked atmailcom. Tell us about your stories or any thoughts or questions you might have about this particular topic. Thank you for sharing and being vulnerable, babe.
Speaker 2:Thank you.
Speaker 1:And we'll talk to you next time on the Married and Naked podcast. Bye, everybody.
